... or die trying
Updated
Introductory Warning:
This is long (at least for my doing), it is not directly related to trading, instead this is about MY journey, why am I here, how did I get here.
Maybe you can take some lessons from it, maybe you recognize yourself in it a bit or maybe you just feel the uncontrollable need to make fun of me in the comments in order to hide your own insecurity or stupidity or maybe you're just bored and need something to waste your time.
Whatever the reason you are here, feel free to stay or head-for-the-hills
Life does not give you what you want.
Life gives you what you need.
What you think you need, seldom is what you truly need.
Life gives me 🍋🍋 all the time, i don't like lemons.
Make lemonade ? I don't like lemonade either, the taste of citrus-fruits always makes me think of cleaning products (like drinking/eating from poorly rinsed dishes) .. and than adding tons of sugar? I'll pass (it goes for most detergents, why would I want my clothes to smell as if Ii just spilled peach-yogurt on them?).
There must be a third way, the road less traveled, the road every one is missing, maybe not using the road altogether.
Maybe turn those 🍋🍋 into dishwasher instead and rinse lifes mouth with it until it behaves and doesn't talk back anymore.
Sometimes there is no alternative, only way is right through the black-hole. But this isn't about self-annihilation, ego-death or 'reinventing yourself'.
What makes someone decide to become a trader, investor, speculator ?
Most often it's just simple Greed.
An evolutionary trait, gathering as much of something (food?) as possible in order to survive harsh times. The basic necessity mostly became redundant, yet the primal-drive stayed in tact.
Many people feel the need to (ful)fill their lives with abundance of luxurious, needless goods. Fancy clothes, jewellery, cars.
It goes right 🖐️ in 🖐️ with Fear.
The fear of losing something (lose the stack of food, lose your life)
I also have a need that wants to be fulfilled but it isn't money related, unfortunately money is the vessel that can get me there.
Math
When I was in school I hated math (who doesn't), I just couldn't get those stupid tables memorized.
Then again, why should I, if I can't memorize what 7x7 is, I'll just have to calculate, (me as child: i know 7x10=70 just 1x7 add the 0 and 7+7=14 +7=21, so 70-21= 70-20=50-1=49) might take a bit longer .. but I'll get there. I'll do it MY WAY.
And this is a very important concept for me, I am very rigid on things, I do not and cannot simply memorize things, I cannot just take things for granted, I have to understand the fundamentals and often details of the subject at hand in order to accept the whole. This mindset is me in my core, this I cannot change, this I will have to work with.
To quote Michael "invest in water" Burry:
I don't believe anything unless I understand it inside out. And even if I understand something, it is not uncommon that I disagree with accepted view (even if it's a Nobel laureate).
(I did NOT know of his quote until I searched for a fitting one, the similarities are astonishing)
Programming
In the early 90's I pondered on the idea of learning to program (imagine writing cool games like Wolf3D yourself some day .. other boring reasons too). I started trying Basic and Pascal, to no avail. Memorizing all the codes ? The real incentive just wasn't there.
Using Windows 3.1 and Windows95 (thnx Bill Gates: "Learning from mistakes and constantly improving products is a key in all successful companies." and man did they improve things 🤦) wasn't exactly a picnic either, so I tried this wondrous "new" OS called Linux, even though I come from the DOS generation, I couldn't get used to it and there where no alternatives to my programs and games at that time.
Psychology
Friendships, relationships, any -🚢 really, weren't always easy for me. It took me well into my young adulthood (no ship) until I fully realized that I do not need much of that but what's more, I don't want too much of that.
as Anthony Hopkins once said:
"I am not very good with relationships. With anyone. I can't be locked up with anyone for too long."
and
"I am a bit of a solitude person - a solitary personality. I like being on my own. I don't have any major friendships or relationships with people."
As a toddler, in the stroller, I was already silently observing everything that I saw in contrast to other children being much more reactive to their surrounding.(I was more "Think, don't do" as to "Do, don't think")
There is so much to be learned by just watching and listening. Passively not actively.
Years go by, doing what a person does, a job here a job there, hobbies and all sorts of time wasting things like arguing.
Arguing and disagreeing with neighbors about letting their dogs piss against our stuff and 💩 in front of our house, cats 💩 in our yard, parking cars thereby blocking our driveway, loud music, stench of all sorts, them or their children vandalizing your property (on camera - yet no-one intervenes), you name it, I reckon you have neighbors too 🙄
--for some reason it always escalates into more annoyances instead of resolving issues (people are mostly self-centered, arrogant, inconsiderate pieces of Dunning-Kruger 💩)
Disagreeing with mechanics after the n-th time they ❤️ you over, I taught myself to do ALL repairs myself, welding, head-gasket, brakes .. the car is 30years old, so yeah, there IS work.
I've always tried to repair everything myself. I come from a milieu that was about durability and not luxury (there wasn't much around so one had to make do) and I have to agree with Greta Thunberg on her "How dare you" speech.
How dare you (all of you) rape our planet the way you do (Planned Obsolescence and mass consumerism at all cost).
Do you not realize you not only jeopardize your own health and future but that of your children and ALL generations to come ? Of [B]ALL[/B] living things ultimately ?
so .. the years go by and life is catching up with you.
You keep losing jobs (mostly because you "don't fit the team" and the occasional bankruptcy), losing friends, family is dwindling too.
Hobbies don't interest you no more .. the dormant depression (besides your Dysthymia) comes crawling to the surface more and more, not only because you realize you'll never get out of this mess .. EVER, but also because you understand more and more about how ❤️-up this world (and by that I mean Human) really is.
Something has to change, but you cannot figure out what. You cannot change yourself, your core-values, trying to 'just fit in more'. That's not gonna work. You cannot change the world either.
You keep clashing with other people over and over again.
You can't live with them ...
You're pretty sure you have exhausted all possible (to you) ways of making a dent into this mess called life. What remains ?
Buying a house, somewhere out there, away from ...'people' and all the troubles, a place where you can just be YOU. Without all the annoyance and aggravation.
BUT .. nobody is going to just give you money or at least loan you some, can't get a mortgage either. So there you are, stuck in your own personal hell.
... you can't escape them.
So there you are again, lost, you need that third option.
Somewhere in between all of my misery, an acquaintance once said to me: "Maybe Bitcoin is something for you?!"
While I always haggled or traded something throughout my life, it never occurred to me to do "Financial Trading".
The learning curve of trading is something all traders have to do themselves, so I will not bore you with my specific path.
I am amazed by how far I've come (yet at the same time stood still), in many aspects, previous knowledge comes in handy here and newly learned now completes puzzles I previously couldn't solve.
Math, Programming and Psychology for example, they all meet back here (at least for me they do), only this time .. I actually DO (kind of) enjoy them (well mostly) 🤣
Math is self-evident .. you just need it. The programming I picked up initially because I wanted some alterations in some basic indicators (fit them to my needs) and from there it grew to writing complex strategies for back-testing. Psychology .. feel free to look at some of my other "Educationals", know yourself, know the competition and all of those 'opinions'.
Am I there yet ? The strict goal of my venture, the house ? No.
For the same reason as in real life, I have to much projects at the same time. It's mostly swing-trades for me, but because of the large time-frames, impatience, loss of focus, I start to look at other things, new strategies, scalps etc. then forgot to enter at the right time and .. want to talk about self-loathing? (expert right here, this ***damn idiot could have been very done by now, if he'd payed attention and not pulled all the orders last minute .. over and over again). Day-trading and scalps .. can't really put in the hours needed because of other obligations and trouble with focus. I need to trade when I can, not just when the market presents itself (albeit that's how one should).
I have nothing to show for from all that life has thrown at me and all I have done with it. Except maybe for all the brain-filling I have gathered.
I'm not even close to buying my house - my freedom yet. While I judge people very hard, what most people don't see is, that I judge myself so much harder.
Maybe you think I am a hypocrite, arrogant, narcissistic, or just no longer 'my own entity' .. I don't care, if anything I'm the biggest loser of them all .. for I can not reach that bar I set so obviously 'low' for myself, every single time, (would I rather want to live in self-deceit like they do?). Unforgiving of my own mistakes: "if I let this slip by .. I'm prone to do it again .. and again, how will I ever learn".
Almost everything a person can be called, I've been called, the good and the bad.
The more my knowledge of things grows, the more the duality inside me grows with it (the frequency shortens, the amplitude widens). The more the void takes over as well. The goal losing its importance. All becomes meaningless.
Did trading do this to me or was it ultimately inevitable ? Just a path that had to be taken ?
By writing it all down I do not seek approval, confirmation, attention, affirmation or donation. It is just something I have to do, as a part of the road taken. Only I can make changes in my life.
In this pitch-black tunnel of depression and 'far worse things',
I sometimes can see the very faint shimmering of this tiny little Candle, be it red, be it green,
bringing back some hope, even if only for brief moments, will I succeed, it remains to be seen.
This is long (at least for my doing), it is not directly related to trading, instead this is about MY journey, why am I here, how did I get here.
Maybe you can take some lessons from it, maybe you recognize yourself in it a bit or maybe you just feel the uncontrollable need to make fun of me in the comments in order to hide your own insecurity or stupidity or maybe you're just bored and need something to waste your time.
Whatever the reason you are here, feel free to stay or head-for-the-hills
Life does not give you what you want.
Life gives you what you need.
What you think you need, seldom is what you truly need.
Life gives me 🍋🍋 all the time, i don't like lemons.
Make lemonade ? I don't like lemonade either, the taste of citrus-fruits always makes me think of cleaning products (like drinking/eating from poorly rinsed dishes) .. and than adding tons of sugar? I'll pass (it goes for most detergents, why would I want my clothes to smell as if Ii just spilled peach-yogurt on them?).
There must be a third way, the road less traveled, the road every one is missing, maybe not using the road altogether.
Maybe turn those 🍋🍋 into dishwasher instead and rinse lifes mouth with it until it behaves and doesn't talk back anymore.
Sometimes there is no alternative, only way is right through the black-hole. But this isn't about self-annihilation, ego-death or 'reinventing yourself'.
What makes someone decide to become a trader, investor, speculator ?
Most often it's just simple Greed.
An evolutionary trait, gathering as much of something (food?) as possible in order to survive harsh times. The basic necessity mostly became redundant, yet the primal-drive stayed in tact.
Many people feel the need to (ful)fill their lives with abundance of luxurious, needless goods. Fancy clothes, jewellery, cars.
It goes right 🖐️ in 🖐️ with Fear.
The fear of losing something (lose the stack of food, lose your life)
I also have a need that wants to be fulfilled but it isn't money related, unfortunately money is the vessel that can get me there.
Math
When I was in school I hated math (who doesn't), I just couldn't get those stupid tables memorized.
Then again, why should I, if I can't memorize what 7x7 is, I'll just have to calculate, (me as child: i know 7x10=70 just 1x7 add the 0 and 7+7=14 +7=21, so 70-21= 70-20=50-1=49) might take a bit longer .. but I'll get there. I'll do it MY WAY.
And this is a very important concept for me, I am very rigid on things, I do not and cannot simply memorize things, I cannot just take things for granted, I have to understand the fundamentals and often details of the subject at hand in order to accept the whole. This mindset is me in my core, this I cannot change, this I will have to work with.
To quote Michael "invest in water" Burry:
I don't believe anything unless I understand it inside out. And even if I understand something, it is not uncommon that I disagree with accepted view (even if it's a Nobel laureate).
(I did NOT know of his quote until I searched for a fitting one, the similarities are astonishing)
Programming
In the early 90's I pondered on the idea of learning to program (imagine writing cool games like Wolf3D yourself some day .. other boring reasons too). I started trying Basic and Pascal, to no avail. Memorizing all the codes ? The real incentive just wasn't there.
Using Windows 3.1 and Windows95 (thnx Bill Gates: "Learning from mistakes and constantly improving products is a key in all successful companies." and man did they improve things 🤦) wasn't exactly a picnic either, so I tried this wondrous "new" OS called Linux, even though I come from the DOS generation, I couldn't get used to it and there where no alternatives to my programs and games at that time.
Psychology
Friendships, relationships, any -🚢 really, weren't always easy for me. It took me well into my young adulthood (no ship) until I fully realized that I do not need much of that but what's more, I don't want too much of that.
as Anthony Hopkins once said:
"I am not very good with relationships. With anyone. I can't be locked up with anyone for too long."
and
"I am a bit of a solitude person - a solitary personality. I like being on my own. I don't have any major friendships or relationships with people."
As a toddler, in the stroller, I was already silently observing everything that I saw in contrast to other children being much more reactive to their surrounding.(I was more "Think, don't do" as to "Do, don't think")
There is so much to be learned by just watching and listening. Passively not actively.
Years go by, doing what a person does, a job here a job there, hobbies and all sorts of time wasting things like arguing.
Arguing and disagreeing with neighbors about letting their dogs piss against our stuff and 💩 in front of our house, cats 💩 in our yard, parking cars thereby blocking our driveway, loud music, stench of all sorts, them or their children vandalizing your property (on camera - yet no-one intervenes), you name it, I reckon you have neighbors too 🙄
--for some reason it always escalates into more annoyances instead of resolving issues (people are mostly self-centered, arrogant, inconsiderate pieces of Dunning-Kruger 💩)
Disagreeing with mechanics after the n-th time they ❤️ you over, I taught myself to do ALL repairs myself, welding, head-gasket, brakes .. the car is 30years old, so yeah, there IS work.
I've always tried to repair everything myself. I come from a milieu that was about durability and not luxury (there wasn't much around so one had to make do) and I have to agree with Greta Thunberg on her "How dare you" speech.
How dare you (all of you) rape our planet the way you do (Planned Obsolescence and mass consumerism at all cost).
Do you not realize you not only jeopardize your own health and future but that of your children and ALL generations to come ? Of [B]ALL[/B] living things ultimately ?
so .. the years go by and life is catching up with you.
You keep losing jobs (mostly because you "don't fit the team" and the occasional bankruptcy), losing friends, family is dwindling too.
Hobbies don't interest you no more .. the dormant depression (besides your Dysthymia) comes crawling to the surface more and more, not only because you realize you'll never get out of this mess .. EVER, but also because you understand more and more about how ❤️-up this world (and by that I mean Human) really is.
Something has to change, but you cannot figure out what. You cannot change yourself, your core-values, trying to 'just fit in more'. That's not gonna work. You cannot change the world either.
You keep clashing with other people over and over again.
You can't live with them ...
You're pretty sure you have exhausted all possible (to you) ways of making a dent into this mess called life. What remains ?
Buying a house, somewhere out there, away from ...'people' and all the troubles, a place where you can just be YOU. Without all the annoyance and aggravation.
BUT .. nobody is going to just give you money or at least loan you some, can't get a mortgage either. So there you are, stuck in your own personal hell.
... you can't escape them.
So there you are again, lost, you need that third option.
Somewhere in between all of my misery, an acquaintance once said to me: "Maybe Bitcoin is something for you?!"
While I always haggled or traded something throughout my life, it never occurred to me to do "Financial Trading".
The learning curve of trading is something all traders have to do themselves, so I will not bore you with my specific path.
I am amazed by how far I've come (yet at the same time stood still), in many aspects, previous knowledge comes in handy here and newly learned now completes puzzles I previously couldn't solve.
Math, Programming and Psychology for example, they all meet back here (at least for me they do), only this time .. I actually DO (kind of) enjoy them (well mostly) 🤣
Math is self-evident .. you just need it. The programming I picked up initially because I wanted some alterations in some basic indicators (fit them to my needs) and from there it grew to writing complex strategies for back-testing. Psychology .. feel free to look at some of my other "Educationals", know yourself, know the competition and all of those 'opinions'.
Am I there yet ? The strict goal of my venture, the house ? No.
For the same reason as in real life, I have to much projects at the same time. It's mostly swing-trades for me, but because of the large time-frames, impatience, loss of focus, I start to look at other things, new strategies, scalps etc. then forgot to enter at the right time and .. want to talk about self-loathing? (expert right here, this ***damn idiot could have been very done by now, if he'd payed attention and not pulled all the orders last minute .. over and over again). Day-trading and scalps .. can't really put in the hours needed because of other obligations and trouble with focus. I need to trade when I can, not just when the market presents itself (albeit that's how one should).
I have nothing to show for from all that life has thrown at me and all I have done with it. Except maybe for all the brain-filling I have gathered.
I'm not even close to buying my house - my freedom yet. While I judge people very hard, what most people don't see is, that I judge myself so much harder.
Maybe you think I am a hypocrite, arrogant, narcissistic, or just no longer 'my own entity' .. I don't care, if anything I'm the biggest loser of them all .. for I can not reach that bar I set so obviously 'low' for myself, every single time, (would I rather want to live in self-deceit like they do?). Unforgiving of my own mistakes: "if I let this slip by .. I'm prone to do it again .. and again, how will I ever learn".
Almost everything a person can be called, I've been called, the good and the bad.
The more my knowledge of things grows, the more the duality inside me grows with it (the frequency shortens, the amplitude widens). The more the void takes over as well. The goal losing its importance. All becomes meaningless.
Did trading do this to me or was it ultimately inevitable ? Just a path that had to be taken ?
By writing it all down I do not seek approval, confirmation, attention, affirmation or donation. It is just something I have to do, as a part of the road taken. Only I can make changes in my life.
In this pitch-black tunnel of depression and 'far worse things',
I sometimes can see the very faint shimmering of this tiny little Candle, be it red, be it green,
bringing back some hope, even if only for brief moments, will I succeed, it remains to be seen.
Note
a little disclaimer:The number of 'Cap'n Hindsight', 'Cap'n Obvious' and Cap'n GlassBall' (aka past-present-future, for whoever couldn't deduct) Charts and Ideas on TradingView is endless, the amount of good, mediocre and outright bad educational material about strategies and indicators is enormous as well.
I do not seek to contest those (anymore), to each their own. If you feel the need to play for Trade-Guru while not understanding the fundamentals yourself, suckering in less experienced traders than yourself .. doesn't concern me. If you think you actually do know more than the other, good for you, now keep it to yourself, nobody is interested in being taught of their wrongs, it will only hurt yourself in the end (therefor instead of teaching, you will be taught by life .. "nobody likes a smartass").
If you are on TradingView to sell your Signals, Indicators or Strategies, good but be honest, not just to your customers but also to yourself, self-deception will make you fail in the end.
That leaves us with the infinitesimal amount of people that really seek knowledge .. don't worry about those, they will find what they seek, it's all there already, all the info in the world, adding to it only clutters
Psychology is (in my irrelevant opinion) the, by far, biggest aspect to trading, it is also the most overlooked one.
All indicators, strategies and fail-safes are derived off of it, you can memorize them by heart all you want but you will never fully understand them and thus not be able to fully utilize them, unless you understand human psychology, human behavior.
While I'm far from an expert on the subject (very few are, make no mistake, most counselors and 'simple' shrinks suck skippyballs on the subject themselves, they simply memorize their Psychology-Books, reoccurring problem in the universe), I am an expert on myself,
not a single person on this planet has spend even close to the amount of time on me as I have.
Observing, analyzing, correcting, reboot.
That is why I write what I write, for my future self to be able to look back and for you to take note, figuratively and/or literally.
not only don't I like lemons,
I don't need them,
I'm plenty bitter all by myself!
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